Disappointment


Ever get the feeling that you've let down everyone around you? It takes the simplest of this to upset a large groups of people and when I do it I don't even have to try. Within 30 minutes I upset my uncle, mother and my little brother. I decided that when I created this blog that it would be something with substinance and that I wouldn't rant about my life like I did on my myspace blog. I would write about things without making it too personal. I'm sure that I am breaking that with this entry, but rules were ment to be broken sometimes, right?

I was suppose to go for a job interview today. I told my mom about it yesterday and she said she'd make arrangement for Myles. I didn't hear anymore on it. I have a cold or something. I woke up every hour and needed to blow my nose or cough or something. I checked my e-mail around 11:30 and lucky for me the man doing my interview had business out of the office that had come up and needed to rescedule our interview for the 18th of August. With intention of just lying on my bed for a moment or two I fell back asleep.

Just after 12pm I am woken up by the sound of our door bell. I walk up to answer it and it is my uncle, wanting to pick up my brother. I feel disoriented as I open the door. He immediately seems flusted. I tell him that I don't have to go any more but I can run up and get Myles and he can still take him if he wants. He expresses his frustration that know one had told him and that he waited around and then leaves.

I go downstairs to retrieve my phone to message my Mother to let her know. I send her the message and then begin to fold the load of clothes that were in the dryer. After receiving my message she called my uncle who expressed his frustration with the situatuion to her. She calls me back and is quite angry herself.

She tells me how angry my Uncle is and how I am not a child. She tells me that I am not dependable and because of this my Uncle will never take my brother again, that he is a grown amn and not a teenager I can screw around, amung other things. I had never thought of my uncle as a teeneage and have only ever had respect for him. The phone goes fuzzy for a few moments and I cannot hear her rage any more so I hang up the phone. She then messages me and instructs me to make it right with my uncle, which I had inteded on doing any way, and says that if I cannot at least do that than I can get out of her home.

At this point in time I feel pretty bad. I've upset my uncle and wasted his day and my mother has torn a strip off of me and threated to kick me out again. Just as I am finishing my apology e-mail to my Uncle about 30 minuted after he has left my brother walks down the stairs fully dressed with a smile on his face, wanting to know when he was going to his cousin's house to play. Turns out he was awake and dressed when my uncle come and was in his room watching Bolt. I explain to him the situation and tell him that he will not be going and he instantly goes from happy to sad and cries because he isn't going.

I instantly go from pretty bad to feeling like a horrible person. I don't know what to do to make it right. Within a matter of 30 minutes I've upset and angered three people that I love and care about very much without any intention of doing so. I don't really see or speak with any of my extended family anymore. I used to be really close with my uncle but I got older and my cousin and brother were born and life got in the way. Now we barily speak. I used to be somesome they could be proud of but I'm not anymore. I feel like a big disappointment because I had potention and wasted it. It just kind of rubs it in that when I do get the chance to see my family I upset them and make it obvious whjy they don't need me any more. I'm home all the time and they would sooner pay a babysitter than ask me to do it for free, because I would in a heart beat.

It may be too late for my family but it isn't for my brother. He still loves me and looks up to me and it doesn't take much to win him over. He hasn't figured out that I'm not cool yet. Your WKOS will be posted in a few hours, I'm going to go hang out with my brother.



Later Days
Santi