Changes



I am terrified of change. The unknown is very scary. I have been stuck in the same situations with the same people that always have the same end result for the past three years. Too scared to move forward. I have never had a direction, just stuck in the same spot. Coasting through life not knowing what to do or where to go. I've made mistake after mistake. My vision is so clouded with frustration and desperation that I couldn't see an opportunity if it was right infront of me. Every time I take step forward I always end up going back.

I think I'm at a point in my life where it is important for me to embrace the unknown and venture out on my own. A good friend of mine is about to kind of start over her life and I'm very envious. She's talking to me about this place she is getting and painting it and such. She seems pretty nervous but I think that she's excited too. She's starting a new chapter. She's going to learn to be strong and she'll see how amazing she is.

As she was talking about painting and got me thinking that I had never in my whole life been given the opportunity to pick the colour of my room. My sisters had, but not me. Being given the chance to express your self and pick a colour to set the mood in your room is a big deal. I think your bedroom can speak volumes about who you are as a person. I want to have a place to call my own. I want to paint and decorate and entertain people. I know it's silly to worry about the colour of your walls but it's a step. A step in the right direction. You're taking a risk, trying out the unknown. Choosing to change something isn't a safe move.

I'm ready to move on. To take risks and make changes. I'm ready to discover what's out there. I'm ready to say hello to the real world and starting living an adult life.

Later Days
Santi